Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Emotionally exhausted?

Ever start to feel... Sorta exhausted? Stupid question. If you're a military girlfriend, fiance, wife, whatever, you've felt exhausted. And it's not only JUST a phsyical type of exhausted, but emotionally too. Actually, it starts emotionally and ends up effecting you physically.

I woke up today, finally got to get out of the house and DID SOMETHING. First I went to the gym and trained, found I had lost an additional 4lbs in the past week and realized my stomach and legs were getting really well defined - GREAT news to me because the past few months of training have felt POINTLESS losing half a pound here, fourth of a pound there while staying the same jean size (depressing). Then I had a wonderful day visiting Patrick's family (Basically the only people I hang out with because they are GREAT!) and I was feeling very good. Patrick went underway a few days ago. And I haven't been suffering like usual, and I haven't been going out to get my mind elsewhere either. It's definitely a weird underway. But anyways, I was playing with his 4 year old cousin "Boo" (Isabella), who has decided we are BFFs and is the sweetest, most beautiful and cutest little girl I've ever met, and talking with his other cousins, who have become my closest of friends, Caleb, Maddie & Elijah. Not to mention, Patrick's younger sister Allyssa. It was carefree and wonderful. I played with my puppy Jack, took a ride in "Dud's" (Pat's Dad's) new '10 mustang convertible! Girl talked it up with his mum and visited with his Grandparents and Aunt and Uncle. It was wonderful and I felt fantastic.

I drove home and once I got there, I dunno what it was, but it set in. I was exhausted, yet I wanted to go jogging and work out. I was hungry, yet didn't want to eat. I was happy, yet very sad. Everytime I had to step over something on the floor, I felt like crying. My room was a mess and it just had me so irritated I could have hit something! My emotions were going haywire, yet no one emotion was strong enough for me to decide what the hell to do to chill out! You'd think after such a good day, I would be feeling full of energy and great!

I was pissy, happy, angry, tired, anxious, excited, silly, everything. Now, how do you give yourself advice when you're feeling like that? You can't. Because you're absolutely crazy and don't know what's up.

It's not that I'm hurting or missing him TOO terribly, because like I said, this underway has been weird. Almost easy. Maybe I'm losing my mind, or maybe this whole military fiance thing is starting to really kick in. This is our first underway as an engaged couple, and things have never been better. So maybe that's why. But, regardless, I have just been feeling weird. I'm moving in 17 days to stay in his apartment until I move to my dorm when college starts at the end of August (and he starts going underway alot and deploying) so I have ALOT to be excited about. For the first time in a year, we'll be able to just SIT on the couch and watch TELEVISION. And not have to worry about the fact that we just "wasted" half an hour together, because we'll have so much time to just be together. It'll be the first time where things are "normal" in over a year.

Can you see my dilema? I couldn't think of a new blog to post, because my mind is just EXHAUSTED. So, while I'm feeling this way, I'm gonna do my best to come up with a solution and share it with the rest of you so we can all get through these "exhausting" days!

First off, I watched a movie. This helped, because it's night time, and now I'm actually sorta tired from watching the screen. So being that tired is my strongest emotion, my next step will be to sleep! But this will never do for during the day when this hits you like a damn freight train. You gotta be on your toes and ready so that you can keep on moving and not let it ruin your day or waste a minute! A friend told me "if you're feeling hungry, yet you don't want to eat, to have a cold drink." Something delicious. Grab an iced tea, rootbeer, water, lemonade, anything! Especially since it's summer right now and those things are just heavenly on a hot day! If you don't have any of this, make yourself a trip to the store, don't mind how much it costs, but buy it. Drink it up and enjoy it. Make sure you doll it up with ice cubes so the water drips down the glass and it just looks AMAZING. A special treat for yourself, that is very small, although will hit the spot perfectly! If you're still hungry after this, do what I did earlier today. Think of something, anything, that you could crave right now. And either make it yourself or have someone do it for you. I called up my grandma and asked her to PLEASE make me some chocolate chip pancakes with whip cream and syrup on top! SOOO BAD for me, but I didn't care. It filled up my tummy and I couldn't complain anymore. If you're feeling tired, yet wanna go do something, and it's the middle of the day or even the morning, go do something. Don't give in to being tired. If you're feeling 50/50 with it, why not? Exhaust yourself so you can sleep easier at night. Go jogging or swimming or biking or anything!

To be honest, emotionally exhausting days are my WORST nightmare. They come and they go, but it's hard to get out of them because you just don't know what you really want! To be honest, I believe the source of my emotional exhausting is the fact that everything is just... Right... When I'm with my sailor. It's not something describible, it's just right. I feel content and as though that's where I'm supposed to be. Here, I just don't know what to do with myself or what I want. But I can't let these days get me. I have packing to do, plenty of errands to run, and fun to have with family and friends that I will be leaving in 17 short days. So no matter what ladies, even if you don't have anything to really DO, find something on days like this. Exhaust yourself. You'll sleep easier and it'll help your health! (Not the pancakes, but the running and working out, etc.) And always remember, if all else fails, the day will end. And tomorrow will be a new day.

Stay strong ladies, and remember what you're doing this for.

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