It's been a week since my last email, and in a few days we'll be together and I'll be living with him for good! But I'm hurting and lost and confused and going crazy without hearing from him! So ladies, I'm sure you can all sympathize with me there. I dunno how exactly to put this in few words, so I'll explain it. You'll understand.
Ever feel like... There just isn't a such thing as a significant other when he's away and you haven't heard from him so long? Like you're alone, yet you aren't looking to be with anyone. That spot in your life has just become a blank. You go through everyday life. You don't have a man to text or kiss or anything. Yet it's not like you're out there looking or interested. It's just how it is and that's the way your lifestyle has become. It doesn't mean you don't love or miss your service member, just means you've adapted to him being away.
When you're feeling the lack of any significant other, your self esteem is low, you're lonely, etc... There seems to be no easy solution. I hate this feeling, because the only thing that would make it vanish would be to hear from him, see him, hold him... So I generally tend to mope. I check the email every 5 minutes. Hoping that I have something from him. Anything at all. And when I don't, my heart drops again and all the sadness comes back. So, as girlfriends, fiances, wives, of these servicemen, what do we do? How to we persevere?
Make a damn scrapbook!
OK, so this might not be the solution for everyone. But it definitely helped me and I am so damn proud of that thing. Patrick's one year anniversary for leaving for bootcamp and starting his military career is in 2 days. He ports shortly after (Sorry ladies, can't release an exact date!) and I've decided to give this to him as a gift. It's a scrapbook of the last year of our lives when we were together. I started with some pictures of us as best friends from before we were dating, then went on through each visit in order. Just a hint for you ladies who are interested, if you develop more than 100 pictures at walmart, they're only .15 each! That comes to $15 for 100 pictures! What I did, was print 100 pictures, then put them all in the scrapbook in order and then wrote a note about each picture underneath each of them. When I finished that, I printed 100 more pictures! And altogether the bill came to $15 + $15 = $30 for the all of our favorite pictures! * If you're unsure of which of the machines to use at Walmart to develop them, make sure you ask behind the counter which one is .15 for over 100 pictures. I got kinda screwed over once by using the wrong machine! * Then after placing the last 100 pictures and titling them, I started decorating. I got post-it thingies to mark which visit was which. I got scrapbooking stickers very cheap at walmart just of letters and I wrote quotes and little lyrics and cute things all over it. I also added in all of his letters from bootcamp, all of our movie tickets and plane tickets... Everything... I'm so very proud of it and I look through it ALL the time :)
It helped me to picture my sailor and I together, even though he's very far away right now. It helped me cope with not being able to talk with him for as long as it's been. It'll mean alot to him, although not as much as it meant to me. Although I still feel a big empty spot since he's been gone, I'm ok. I know what I'm fighting for. Ladies, find something fun to do that has to do with you and your man. A present, if you will, for when he returns. It'll help you while he's away, and it'll make him feel loved and appreciated and as though you thought alot of him while he was away... Which, we always do. They just don't realize exactly HOW much sometimes!
So ladies, when you start to feel that empty spot, that blank in your everyday life, do something fun like a craft or collection to fill it up! Be proud of yourselves. You're hanging in there and your mind and heart is slipping into all the survival modes that civilian girlfriends, fiances and wives generally never have to experience. It's going to be hard, but no one can understand you better than the other girls experiencing the same thing. Stay strong, don't let ANYTHING get you down and always be prepared for your mind and heart to throw a wrench at you! You've got the power to do it all because love is driving you. Real, pure love. That will NEVER fail you.